im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Send help, water and tortillas.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
