he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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