He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
