I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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