This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
