i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
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