I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
