Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
