every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
