I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
