sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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