I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Randomize
