I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Randomize
