So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
