Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
