yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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