Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
