moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I have post one night stand depression
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