You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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