I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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