Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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