i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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