I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
