So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Randomize
