he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
