The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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