My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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