Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
