Heybabeimwearingurpanties
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
