very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
