i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Randomize
