i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
