Ok let me ask a question, does aderall make women less apt to have sex?
Cause it just destroys penises
Was that inappropriate? I can't gauge these things anymore
and you said cock pushups were impossible
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Randomize
