You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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