so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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