theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
