dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
