So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
