just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize
