No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
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