...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I need moral support for this bender
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Randomize
