i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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