So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Randomize
