if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
