ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
