my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
