JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Randomize
