I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
