I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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