so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
