do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
