Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Randomize
