The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
