i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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